This week in class we talked about paraphilias. Paraphilia is when you experience intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals. It took me a hot minute to figure out what to write for this blog, but something struck my mind while sitting in TuTu’s during this very cold Dead Week. My guilty pleasure is almost anything that plays on TLC (except My 600lb Life, Hoarders, or Intervention because those shows make me ~*s a d*~). One of my favorites has always been My Strange Addiction (this show just hits DIFFERENT). By the title, you can already guess what the show is about; people having very unique addictions!! Our discussion this week reminded me of some episodes where paraphilia was extremely evident.

One of the first ones that came to mind for me was this man (Nathaniel) who was in an intimate relationship with his car (Chase). Nathaniel tells his dad in the episode how he is in a sexual and emotional relationship with Chase. Nathaniel’s dad is confused when he says this and asks how having sex with his car would even work. Nathaniel explains how it is mainly rubbing against Chase as well as masturbation. Nathaniel’s dad then begins to question if this is his fault since he wasn’t around when Nathaniel was young, but Nathaniel tries to play it off as just being a weird kid. I will attach the link so you can see this interaction yourself (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0S642NtHtE).

Another one includes a woman who is in a relationship with an amusement park ride. I actually found two like this, except one is from a different series.

The one for My Strange Addiction shows a woman (LIVING RIGHT OUTSIDE OF TAMPA) who is “married” (not legally binding) to a carnival ride named Bruce. Her and Bruce have known each other since 1981, but at the time this was made, they had been married for 3 years (I think it has been 7 years of marriage now, so happy possibly belated anniversary to Linda and Bruce!!). She explains her other relationships, such as an airplane and a locomotive (she says this one did NOT work out). She says that her relationship with Bruce really isn’t about sexual attraction, but more about the love she feels in her heart for him. I will also include the link to this video so you can see this happy couple (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_ZrZQMXqPY).

The other one shows a woman also in an intimated relationship with an amusement park ride. She talks about her attraction to inanimate objects started off at a young age. This one is a bit different than Linda and Bruce because she talks about her sex like with the ride. One thing she likes to say to the ride is “I want your fluids, I want your fluids” when she is about to climax. This one makes me very uncomfy, but is still interesting. So please if you watch any of them, watch this one so you can also be uncomfy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-F7JxvJlkE).

I found one more video for everyone reading this. It shows a compilation of some of the strangest fetishes on the show. It includes sex with elderly women (he says they like it as rough as high school cheerleaders and I absolutely hated that), sex with balloons (he said they make his heart flutter), and it shows more of good pals Nathaniel and Chase (there’s some make out scenes too, so it is pretty ~*s c a n d a l o u s*~).

I hope I have you all HOOKED on this show now. It is honestly a classic and I have definitely been watching for as long as I can remember.

As a wrap up to the semester, I must say I have enjoyed writing some of these blogs. I really like to write and some of them definitely helped me through some times in the semester where I was like very in my feelings and very anxious, like one of the love style ones I wrote. The ones I wrote about Love Styles were my fave and to those who read that one where I talked about liking a boy and him liking me, yeah, it didn’t work out and I could probably write a whole other blog on that, but that isn’t the point and I will not do that. Just wanna keep the fans updated. Thanks for an interesting semester, it was fun, but I am very happy it is over.

On Tuesday, we all took the Rice Purity Test in class (http://ricepuritytest.com/). I actually talked about this test a few blogs ago (The “Real” Sex Talk) and how I like to make my friends take it to see what their reactions to their scores are. I remember I made someone take it and he was like “oh, my score is really low!” but that was before he knew that the lower the score, the more impure you are. I was only introduced to this test within the past year, but I have made a lot of people take it and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

This test is not scientifically based whatsoever and doesn’t have any important purpose except that it’s fun to take and hear the scores your friends get. My favorite part of the test is that at the top it says “Caution: This is not a bucket list. Completion of all items on this test will likely result in death.” and I think that just makes it even more fun.

I scored pretty high on the test myself, so that means I’m actually a Child of God. I’m kidding, but my score pretty much means I’m pretty pure. I wasn’t really surprised with my score, however, someone in class had a 14, so, I was shocked at that because most of my friends who have taken it, the lowest I have seen is in the 20s. Not that it was bad someone had a 14, but from what I’ve seen, it seems that average score is in the 20s. So I guess that would make my score pretty shocking as well.

The reason my score was probably higher than most is because I never really had an interest in anything on the list and I always felt the obligation to be the “good” kid compared to my siblings and friends, which I was. I was always the pure friend and I didn’t even curse until I got to college, so I think that may say something.

This test is not something to take seriously nor should it make you feel bad. I really don’t think purity can really be measured with this test. And I think everyone has their own version of what purity can be. So, it is up for you to decide if this test is a true measure of how pure you are.

I have included these quotes from some John Mulaney specials because it reminded me of purity and they just make me laugh.

On Tuesday, we started the lesson on STIs. Not the greatest lesson to leave off on going into Thanksgiving break. Anyways, this was probably my first formal lesson regarding STIs. I’ve never been the squeamish type, but I didn’t really enjoy seeing these pictures and most of the time I just didn’t look at the screen or I only looked for a second. While this lesson made me uncomfy, I do think it is an important one to learn.

In my wellness management class, I had learned that a majority of the sexually active population is between the ages of 15 to 24. At 15, we were barely being taught about sex, so learning about STIs was never really in the question. Like I had mentioned in my blog post where I had talked about learning about sex, it wasn’t that we weren’t allowed to learn these topics, but it never fell under the course requirements. I do, however, think in some of our required science classes that it should be required to be taught.

When I was in high school, I was in the Sports Medicine Academy. Not all of our classes were about sports medicine, but were much on the medical side of any science class I ever took. I expected to learn more about stuff like STIs in those classes, but I can’t really recall anytime it was formally taught. Even though I am grateful we are being taught about it now, I do think that it something we should be taught earlier on. If the majority of the sexually active population is between the ages of 15 to 24, we need to either start these discussions our freshman year of high school or earlier.

I also don’t believe we should use STIs as a tactic of deterring sexual activity. I know plenty of parents who teach their kids about STIs, but only to scare them away from sexual activity. What should be done is to teach young people (or anyone for that matter) the importance of the use of condoms and talking to your sexual partner about if they have been tested as well as the importance of being tested regularly. Most colleges do free STI testing (we do it in our health center and we have free condoms as well!!) and we should normalize going to get tested rather than make it something to be embarrassed of. There’s nothing embarrassing about self care and your health!

Hi friends. This week was a weird one for me. The reason being because I can’t give you a definite answer on my feelings towards children and becoming a parent. If you know for sure that you want kids, good for you! It is actually quite stressful not knowing if I will ever want children. Typically, I catch myself being anxious around children and saying how much I do not like them. If I hear a kid screaming in Target, I literally want to die. It isn’t the fact that I despise kids, but like I said, they make me anxious. Right now, I can’t imagine myself as a mother. I can barely take care of myself. How am I gonna take care of a whole other human (or HUMANS)?

When my mom was my age, she had already had me and she was done having children by the age of 25. If I had a kid right now, well, I couldn’t tell you what it would be like because I CAN’T IMAGINE IT. One of my friends wants to start having kids around age 23-25. That stresses me out. Not the fact she wants to have kids at that age, but the thought of having kids in less than 3 years. I can’t say that I’m on the same page as her with that.

Another thing that scares me about having kids is childbirth. I just don’t know if I could tolerate the pain that comes with being pregnant as well as labor. I already have the back of on 80 year-old woman. A baby is gonna make that worse. And then just labor in general actually terrifies me as well as the possibility of dying during labor. I’m sorry, now I’ve fallen down a whole and I’m having a existential crisis. I’m very stressed about this.

Now, I have had no problem in the past when watching young kids. I adored one of my high school teacher’s children. They were absolutely precious and I miss them very much. When I worked at Big Lots, I would talk to kids and see babies and they would sometimes put a smile on my face, that is if they didn’t pee in front of my register (I did not get paid enough to clean that up tbh). I also love the idea of me and my best friend having kids at the same time and they grow up to be best friends. When I start thinking happy thoughts about kids, I tend to jump back to negative. One of the main things I think is how I would probably be a terrible mom or how I would feel guilty bringing children into a world with so much hate and negativity (and also the fact that the actual EARTH is dying and they wouldn’t have the chance to grow up). I know this was a lot, but when I think about it, I think about it a lot and very in depth. Children? Right now, who knows. I’m just vibin’.

The topic of abortions has always been a controversial one. People tend to stray away from the discussion in fear of an argument breaking out. I, however, believe it is something that needs to be addressed. That is why I liked watching the videos of John Oliver discuss abortions and the backlash surrounding them and why women should be able to make the choice about their bodies. When he started talking about how people are allowed to stand outside of abortion clinics, women health centers, and Planned Parenthood’s and basically harass those going in and try to guilt them into not getting an abortion, it reminded of a scene in 13 Reasons Why in the most recent season. In the episode, the character named Chloe had gotten pregnant by her ex-boyfriend when he raped her. She made the decision to have an abortion and the episode focused on her decision to have one and the steps she took in order to get one. At one point, she goes to a place that she thinks does the procedure, but actually tries to convince her to not have one. Later on, she goes to an actual place to get one and goes with her friend, Zach. As they are walking in, there is a group of Pro-Lifers telling her to not do it. A women in a yellow safety vest approaches them and appears to be an escort working for the clinic. However, as they approach the door, she start telling her to not do it and places a fake fetus in her hands. Zach then pulls her away and they go inside. It then cuts to Chloe laying down and you watch her as the procedure is done.

The reason I bring this up is because I have never seen a show do anything like this before. I wasn’t mad about it by any means. I was glad they showed this. They obviously didn’t show the actual procedure, but you could hear everything and you watched how this impacted the character. I think this is important to show what kind of backlash people receive for this as well as this isn’t an easy decision for anyone to make. In the episode, Chloe went back and forth between wanting an abortion and just keeping the baby. People tend to think that this an easy decision for some to make, but it really isn’t. And some people may say, if you double think it or feel bad about it, then maybe you shouldn’t do it. My rebuttal to that is we do a lot of things in our lives that are hard. We also think about most decisions we make before we actually make them. Also, abortions can happen for a multitude of reasons and ultimately I believe women should have that option.

What I really wanted to address is that I think it is good that shows are beginning to show stuff like this. Television is a big part of so many lives and a lot of people are influenced by shows. This is why I like when television shows are able to show both sides of controversial topic as well as be able to show those who are impacted by certain things.

I am attaching a few links. One is a link to an article with an interview with the actress who plays Chloe in 13 Reasons Why and how she felt the scene was an important one to show and how it’s important to show this kind of thing on TV (https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/krystieyandoli/13-reasons-why-abortion). Another link is one talking about other shows that have had characters have abortions in their episodes (https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/how-television-depicts-abortion). The last link is to the clip from 13 Reasons Why (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JvOCNnQmQ0).

I would also like to mention that I am not trying to sway anyone’s views on abortion. While I am personally Pro-Choice, I am not gonna hate anyone for what they view and I will hear you out if you are Pro-Life. I respect the views of others even if I don’t agree with them:).

During class this week, we talked a little bit about people in the LGBTQ+ community coming out to family and friends and why they decide whether or not to. It got me to thinking about those in the community who never come out fully or at all. It was hurting me to think about how some people have to hide because of their fears of judgement from others when they only truly want to be themselves. Why is being straight the norm and why do we all just assume everyone is straight until we are told otherwise? That’s just a little tangent, but my whole point of this blog is to discuss why some people never come out and why it is okay to not come out if you feel comfortable with that.

I have met many people in my life and have been friends with many people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Most of them had come out years before I met them and everyone they knew in their life was also aware of their sexuality. I knew someone who had come out the night Donald Trump was elected as President, I knew someone who had come out and her mom claimed to “already know”, and I know people who never explained their coming out stories and that is okay! I was always very happy that my friends felt comfortable being able to come out. One person I used to know, however, didn’t feel that way. When she got to college, she knew she was bisexual, but she never wanted to tell her family because they were extremely conservative, at least her mom and stepdad were. She made the decision to not tell them. This didn’t go over very well because her mom ended up finding her girlfriend’s Instagram, saw a picture of them kissing, and just took a screenshot and sent it to her. This made things in her family rocky for a while, especially since she was instructed by her mom to not tell any extended family in fear of judgement. I hated this for her and it broke my heart to see it all happen and it made me truly understand why she never planned to come out. It got better for her, but I know that isn’t the way she would have wanted it to go.

I decided to look up some reasons why people don’t come out. I already knew some reasons such as judgment and fear of being cut off by their families, but I stumbled across an article I found very interesting. The article is called “It’s OK To Not Come Out” and in this article, the writer discussed that they never came out because of their Latin American background and the way that their family views what being “gay” truly means. They said that being in the closet is their safe space and that they still have a loving partner and are still able to be themselves and they know that staying closeted will make them happier. I’ll link the article here because I thought it was very interesting and that you all should take a read. https://www.minus18.org.au/index.php/articles/item/30-it-s-ok-to-not-come-out

Coming out can be scary and hard. I wish we lived in a world where it wasn’t a fear to come out. I know that this will never be the case. It may get easier with more generations becoming more accepting, but who knows how long it will be before we are fully there. I’m glad I decided to do more research on not coming out and what that means for people. It really opened my eyes to what makes people feel good and comfortable at the end of the day. I am also going to link the Trevor Project because I know this is a good resource for those in the LGBTQ+ community to turn to in times of need (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/). And to anyone who needs it: I accept you and I am here for you. You do matter and your feelings and identity will always be valid no matter what anyone says.

During class this week, I was a little bit shocked with how comfortable some of you were with talking about sex. Which is fine! I am happy we are in a time where more people are open to talking about their sexuality. And especially since this class is majority female, I do feel proud that is becoming less of a taboo subject to discuss.

Upon coming to college, sex was never a topic discussed among me and my friends in high school. There was a couple of instances, but it was never a part of our daily discussions. Word would spread fast in high school, so maybe that was why I never heard a lot. I also typically stayed within my academic department (the Cambridge Program), so these type of things were never really brought up. There was also very few lessons taught in in my high school about sex. Not because it wasn’t allowed, but more because it never fit the curriculum of any science classes I was enrolled in. So, I guess you could imagine my shock this week when everyone was very open about this topic.

When I got to Florida Southern, the friends I made were actually pretty quick in being open with me about their sex lives and the sex lives of their friends. I wasn’t upset with them about this because it felt nice to feel that trusted so early on in a relationship with someone. My friends are comfortable telling me what they prefer during sex, what they don’t like that their partner does, and many more details that I would prefer not to go into, but I’m glad they are able to do so around me. However, I think I do know a lot more about my friends and their sex lives than I think I ever needed to know, but like I said, I would never get mad at them for being comfortable talking to me about the topic and I hope one day maybe I will be as comfortable as them.

A little fun thing that I sometimes like to bring up to my friends is the Rice Purity Test. This test basically tells you how “innocent” you are based on certain acts you have done. Not everything on the list is sexual, but it is a good portion of it. I was introduced to this test last year by my friends and I just find it funny when they find out their results. They either get super excited or they are more like “oh my god I am DISGUSTING.” They are obviously joking when they say that, but I just find it funny when they come to the realization that they may not be as “innocent” as they once thought. I am going to include the link to the test here so you and your friends can complete it and see how impure you really are!! (http://ricepuritytest.com/)

Even though I felt very uncomfy during this lesson, I know the importance of discussing this topic and that we all should be comfortable talking about it. I think one way for people to not be uncomfortable with this topic is being taught about sex earlier on and it be a regular topic taught in schools. Parents should also be more open with their kids with this topic instead of making it out that any type of sexual activity is a bad thing (my dad got uncomfy when he found out I KISSED a boy, so there’s that). Even if it is just talking about how to have safe sex, I think that would be better than what is being done now. I feel maybe when our generation begins to have children (or maybe anyone who has taken this course), it won’t be such a taboo subject.

This week, we began learning about sexual expression. I’m going to be honest, I preferred learning and writing about love way more than this, but that is okay. When thinking about writing for this week, I found it hard to find a topic to write about. I think one thing that could be interesting to talk about is the faking of orgasms.

Now, the reason I decided this is because I wanted learn more about the emotional reasons behind this and maybe why someone never tells their partner about it. Is this something people do during their entirety of their relationship? Are they faking it because there is no love? These questions made me start my digging.

In one article that I found, it gave me a list of reasons as to why a woman may fake an orgasm. The first reason is that single women are less likely to orgasm during sex. This means like having sex with someone you are not in a committed relationship with. This is because women are not comfortable expressing this to someone they are not in a relationship with and men typically can’t tell they are faking it if they are not in a relationship with the woman. The second reason is because it is always thought that sex should have a “happy ending” for both people involved, so they fake it to make it seem that way. Another reason includes that women think that by asking for something specific during sex, it will be a turnoff, so they just do it however and end up faking it in the end. These definitely are not all the reasons provided, but these ones stuck out the most to me and honestly do make a lot of sense. (https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5048/reasons-we-fake/)

Faking orgasms is very common. I know someone who was in a long-term relationship and she began faking it towards the end of their relationship. I feel as if men get very offended when they find out their partner has been faking it. They think women are doing it on purpose and they take it very personally. I saw online somewhere that faking an orgasm is a “heinous crime” because men are being given this false gratification. I really don’t think it should be taken personally at all. Some people are just scared to offend their partner or maybe they don’t even know what they want during sex. Communication and understanding is definitely key for working through all of this.

So, to men, stop googling article on “how to tell if your girl is faking it,” because that is not something someone wants to be called out on. Instead, be understanding and ask them if they are satisfied and ask if there is anything they would like to try or change. Sex is not supposed to be one sided. Neither is the relationship, so stop making women feel bad. You wouldn’t appreciate being called out on anything either.

In my last blog, I discussed what my love style was and why I wasn’t surprised I am what I am. To recap, my love style is Storge, so that basically means that I usually start off by being friends with people and getting to know them before getting in a relationship with someone.

Since learning about the love styles, this whole week I asked my friends to take the survey to see if I could predict theirs and also just see how different I was from others. For example, my friend Kat is a very excited and kind person. I predicted she would either be Storge or Agapic as she always cares about others more than herself. After she took the survey, I came to found out that I was wrong. She turned out to be Eros, which makes sense because her and boyfriend started dating basically as soon as they met. This goes to show you can’t really understand everyone’s love styles just based on what they show you on the outside. You don’t know what everyone is feeling, so this is why the survey was created; to understand those feelings we ourselves cannot describe.

Speaking of that, another person that I had take the survey was my friend, Jared. I’ve known him since freshman year, however, I only truly really started getting to know him this year to the fullest extent. I couldn’t really predict what his love style was because I felt like I had never been around him long enough to truly figure it out. After he took it, he turned out to be Agape. I really do think this makes perfect sense due to the way he treats me and has treated his previous relationships. Every time we talk, he tells me about how much he wants to help others and if he has done that, then he has lived a successful life.

The one thing all 3 of us had in common was that we were all high in Agape, whether it was our first one or not. This made me realize that this is why we all get along so well; because we all care about people a lot and would do anything to make others happy and we never want anything in return. We also all balance each other out really well because all of our first love styles are different, so we can give out different perspectives as well.

One last thing is that I LOVE how right after we learn this chapter, I found out that Jared liked me? I liked him? So am I just using this class for relationship tips? Will this be the only thing I get out of this class? Maybe. But for now, I kinda wanna vomit because I never talk about my feelings and no one expects it, like when in class when Dr. Law asked what you look for in a partner and I said I like it when the person you’re in a relationship with talks about their passions and their eyes light up. Some of ya’ll thought it was the cutest thing I have ever said while SOME of ya’ll looked at me like I was weird? Shocker, I do have feelings for people. But, as I said in my last blog, those who are Storge have the risk of ruining friendships because of their feelings and this is why I never talk about them. I’d rather stay really good friends with someone and keep my guard up because I always feel like I won’t get hurt that way (but I can also get hurt by not saying anything). However, maybe this time is different.

Thanks to this class, I may actually not be scared to open up even more. I still wanna vomit as I type this tho:).

The other day in class, we all took the Love Styles Survey. The styles included Eros, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Pragma, and Agape. At first, I thought we were learning our love language, which was obviously wrong. I was really excited to find out my style since this was all new information to me.

When I completed the survey, I found out I was Storge. Storge is when the love grows gradually. You are friends at first and learn your common interests and life goals. This love is typically very stable and peaceful. Was I surprised that this was my love style? Absolutely not. Anyone that I have been romantically involved with or I liked was always my friend first and usually we were friends for awhile before.

When taking this survey, there was only 2 people I could use for it. It was either my ex-boyfriend, Garrin, or a guy I had talked to most of my senior year of high school, Dillon. I didn’t want to use Garrin because our relationship was only 2 months and he cheated on me and dumped me over text, so I knew I would just be angry the whole time taking the test. With Dillon, we both knew we liked each other a lot, but we never made it official because we lived 3 hours away from each other and only knew each other from and academic competition we both were competing in. Our relationship was something I felt mattered way more than the one with Garrin and this one was more recent. There is a point to telling you all of this, Scout’s Honor.

The common characteristic between the two was that I had been friends with them for a while before our relationships. I had known Garrin since middle school and we dated junior year. We had grown to know each other and we were really close friends. With Dillon, I met him a few months after my breakup with Garrin. I thought he was funny and attractive, but I never initiated anything because I thought I would never see him again. Senior year, I had been going through a lot and he actually reached out to me and we talked for a while. It turned into us being very close friends and then we ended up really liking each other. He even told me that he thought I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I know, that should have been a red flag, but at the time, he was literally my best friend and I loved the idea of it. We stopped talking because he was apparently talking to another girl while talking to me and then he got a girlfriend. I really know how to pick them, huh?

Enough with my love life, but as you can see, it isn’t really surprising what my love style is. If I was given the descriptions before the test, I probably would have thought of myself as Storge or Agape. Agape was actually my second highest score, which also didn’t surprise me. I’m not even upset with my style either. And it is possible that people change, but I don’t think I will. I never meet someone with the intention of possibly dating. I’m the type of person who doesn’t really care about being in a relationship. I don’t use dating apps and I don’t tell anyone how I feel about them. I think it is actually important to start off as friends because when you are around your true friends, you aren’t afraid to show your true colors. For example, I am not afraid to be loud and obnoxious around my friends because I trust them. I feel by starting off as friends, it not only allows for you to truly get to know people, but you build that trust with them as well. I never seek love, I just let it find me.

This love style can be a bit scary, however. The reason I say this is because if you build this amazing friendship with someone and then you date, what if you break up? With Garrin, we never really communicated again. It was a nasty break up and it put me through a rough time. Not only that, but I lost a good friend. Now, I can’t even think of him as good friend without being blinded by how he wronged me. With Dillon, like I mentioned, he was my best friend. When we stopped talking, I cried a lot. He helped me through a lot and I helped him. I still miss him sometimes, but then I remember how we ended and and angry I was and how I deserved better for sure. This is typically why I never say how I feel. I would rather keep this amazing friendship with someone rather than have the risk of ruining it with a romantic relationship that may not work out.

Ew, I know, love is kinda gross and I’m gross for feeling it. I’m sorry that I just poured out my entire romantic history (not that long, but it is weird for me to ever talk about it), but it was important for you to read to understand why my love style is Storge and it also may help explain why I am the way I am. Sorry for pouring my heart out and being mushy. Back to my regularly scheduled programing of telling Dr. Law I hate him in class:).