During class this week, we talked a little bit about people in the LGBTQ+ community coming out to family and friends and why they decide whether or not to. It got me to thinking about those in the community who never come out fully or at all. It was hurting me to think about how some people have to hide because of their fears of judgement from others when they only truly want to be themselves. Why is being straight the norm and why do we all just assume everyone is straight until we are told otherwise? That’s just a little tangent, but my whole point of this blog is to discuss why some people never come out and why it is okay to not come out if you feel comfortable with that.

I have met many people in my life and have been friends with many people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Most of them had come out years before I met them and everyone they knew in their life was also aware of their sexuality. I knew someone who had come out the night Donald Trump was elected as President, I knew someone who had come out and her mom claimed to “already know”, and I know people who never explained their coming out stories and that is okay! I was always very happy that my friends felt comfortable being able to come out. One person I used to know, however, didn’t feel that way. When she got to college, she knew she was bisexual, but she never wanted to tell her family because they were extremely conservative, at least her mom and stepdad were. She made the decision to not tell them. This didn’t go over very well because her mom ended up finding her girlfriend’s Instagram, saw a picture of them kissing, and just took a screenshot and sent it to her. This made things in her family rocky for a while, especially since she was instructed by her mom to not tell any extended family in fear of judgement. I hated this for her and it broke my heart to see it all happen and it made me truly understand why she never planned to come out. It got better for her, but I know that isn’t the way she would have wanted it to go.

I decided to look up some reasons why people don’t come out. I already knew some reasons such as judgment and fear of being cut off by their families, but I stumbled across an article I found very interesting. The article is called “It’s OK To Not Come Out” and in this article, the writer discussed that they never came out because of their Latin American background and the way that their family views what being “gay” truly means. They said that being in the closet is their safe space and that they still have a loving partner and are still able to be themselves and they know that staying closeted will make them happier. I’ll link the article here because I thought it was very interesting and that you all should take a read. https://www.minus18.org.au/index.php/articles/item/30-it-s-ok-to-not-come-out

Coming out can be scary and hard. I wish we lived in a world where it wasn’t a fear to come out. I know that this will never be the case. It may get easier with more generations becoming more accepting, but who knows how long it will be before we are fully there. I’m glad I decided to do more research on not coming out and what that means for people. It really opened my eyes to what makes people feel good and comfortable at the end of the day. I am also going to link the Trevor Project because I know this is a good resource for those in the LGBTQ+ community to turn to in times of need (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/). And to anyone who needs it: I accept you and I am here for you. You do matter and your feelings and identity will always be valid no matter what anyone says.